E Aie De Mim! The Day After All That Fun

'Twas the Night Before Christmas (Trump edition) by Malia Lewis

’Twas the night before Christmas

When in the White House

The President tweeted,

Ignoring his spouse.

“No leader ever

has been so first rate.

I’m better than Santa

And America’s great!’’

He decided to nestle

All snug in his bed

While border wall visions

danced in his head.

When on the South Lawn

There arose such a clatter

He turned on Fox News to see

What was the matter.

When what to his wondering

Eyes in a daze

Came all his “best people’’

In three different sleighs.

Now Tillerson, Mattis

Now Kelly, McMaster,

Now Preibus and Sessions!

Trump said, “A disaster.’’

Now Flynn, Porter, Pruitt,

Hicks, Bannon, and Price,

Omarosa and Zinke!

Trump said, “They were nice.’’

Then a grand golden sleigh

It flew ’round the bend

Now Vladimir Putin . . .

Trump said, “My best friend.’’

Trump called Kellyanne,

She told him a rumor:

A fourth sleigh was coming,

Pelosi and Schumer.

Trump drew in his head

And was turning around,

When right down the chimney

Someone came with a bound.

Not Chuck and not Nancy,

His nose like a cherry,

A stranger appeared

A man legendary.

“My name’s Robert Mueller

I’m hardly an elf.’’

A prosecutor, special

In spite of himself.

And out of his bundle

A present appeared.

The label said “Report,’’

And Trump he just sneered.

“A witch hunt!’’ Trump yelled

As he came to the brink.

“Bah teetotaling —

Give me a drink!’’

He looked at the gift card,

Holding his beer.

The message said, “Open this

Sometime next year.’’

And so we will wait

To find what is inside

We’ll know who was good and

We’ll know who has lied.

The three Christmas sleighs

At once gave a whistle,

And away they all flew, like

The down of a thistle.

“The year’s almost over,’’

Trump said with a frown.

“It’s 2018 —

It’s time to shut down.’’

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